Sunday, July 26, 2009 / 5:49 PM
changes i've made
I have come to the conclusion that
I dislike a lot of people and I really don't care. I never try to hide this fact from anyone, instead I make it very apparent to those around me. I guess because of how I act towards the ones I dislike, it automatically makes me a bitch? Well, whatever then, I'm a bitch. Everyone else seems to think the same thing, so this is all I have to say ...
hop off, why do I need to like everyone anyway ?Anyways, I was
never this big of a bitch and I know it. The people that I spent these years with had affected me in such a big way that
I felt as if they were taking over my life. Every action of mine was a reflection of how they wanted me to be and
I ended up seeing a change in myself with every word spoken, but I denied it because I kept thinking, how
weak does someone have to be to change so drastically because of their friends? My parents
and even my closest friends had seen a change in me and noticed that I wasn't
"me" anymore. I know that everyone in my life changes me slightly, but it's usually a positive change, others just try to mold me to fit their lifestyle and that's not what I want. I ended up in a position that I had ever wanted to be in; I was always trying to impress others and show that in one way or another, I was better than them.
I was so naive to think that I could judge and hate others and not receive the same in return. Whatever goes around, comes around, right ? So when it finally came around, and I was finally receiving the negative backlash, I kept wondering why it was happening to me. Sounds stupid, right ?
Coming from someone that does the exact same thing. From someone who found it
fun to act like a bitch to everyone. At first, I didn't care about what others had to say about me,
in fact,
I never cared. It just got to a point where it felt like everyone was thinking the same thing about me without even knowing me. Everything that they had heard were from rumors and girls using my name in their gossip rings. These girls don't even know me, they just know OF me. I think it's absolutely ridiculous how someone can judge me solely on the fact that I have a lot of guy friends. Please tell me how it makes me a slut and the
"biggest flirt ever" ? Like, seriously ...
gtfo. It's one thing if something you have to say about me is true, but a completely different thing once you start to fabricate lies.
Do I honestly matter that much, that you have to spend your life trying to make me look bad? You really know you have no life when you do that.
I think it's even funnier when the girls that say shit about you, are the ones that are supposed to be your
close girls. Like, why would you go talk to my closest girl and say shit about me; are you stupid? Anyway, that's not the point ... The point is if someone was truly your friend they would never say shit about you. There is never an exception to talk shit ..
NEVER. If you have something to say about your friend, go to your friend and say it directly to them. Spare yourself the chance of getting a bad rep because you talked behind your girls/boys back. Personally,
I would rather hear the painful truth than some pretty lie. I think it's so stupid how people can just pour out everything to the first person that is willing to listen, that's so bait for getting snaked. You can't base how good of a friend someone is on how they present themselves on the outside because in reality, it's all sugar coated. That's one of the main reasons I don't act nice to everyone, I've learned that once you open yourself up to someone, you get
fucked over. You put so much trust into someone and in one second all that trust disappears, but what doesn't disappear are all the little secrets you had told them. So be careful about what you say to others.
So I'm done all my ranting and letting everyone know why I'm such a bitch. I don't plan on being like this for very long;
I need to change because I hate who I've become. I need to get back to where I was before I met the wrong people. Time to make a change for myself, my family and my closest friends.