Tuesday, September 22, 2009 / 12:46 PM
got potential, i'm meant to be sucessful
There comes a time when your life will go off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will... you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.
Sunday, September 20, 2009 / 2:00 PM
Round and Round
I think about what could’ve happened, what would’ve happened if… If I never called you up that morning telling you how much I missed you. If only I just did something different to make you see how much of the world you mean to me! The whole Asia continent, not evens - bigger. Can you not see through me yet? Can you not see how dedicated I am with this “us”? When this us, is not going no where. I’m taking two steps ahead of you, and I’m so frustrated because you’re still taking these small baby steps. When will you be ready? When will you show me you care for me as much as you said you did? Maybe when I told you over the summer that we should’ve been just friends – was what we really needed to do. Now, I sit here thinking… Who I would’ve been with, where I would’ve been, what would life be like, if I didn’t know you at all. Maybe things would be easier for me?! Cause right now, it’s just way too hard if I just simply erase you from my life. I need you to always be with me, forever. Forever’s way too long, but promise me you’ll never give up on forever. Promise me you won’t play with my heart and mind no more. Promise me that it’ll just be me and you. I’m honestly tired of crying over small things. It’s times like now that I wish I made smarter decisions. Times like now that I wish you were by my side. Truthfully, I don’t think I can make it anywhere without you… I’m a hyprocrite? Yes I know baby. Cause I say one thing and than another? It’s just what I’m feeling at this very moment.
Saturday, September 12, 2009 / 8:13 PM
Love
I haven’t been updating my blog for awhile, so for all you prowlers – I’m back. How was my first week of school? Well, I would answer that if I actually went to classes. Like, I went on Tuesday, Wednesday, skipped Thursday, and came back on Friday. Turns out that Thursday, I got assigned my cpt. I’m so dim. I had my intention for skipping that day though. I was in an emotional phase. Have you ever been slapped in the face by love? I have, and let me tell you, it isn’t the greatest feeling. Everybody’s so eager to come upon love, to experience love, to be loved… When little do they know, love is a bitch. It’s funny how in life, you can be the happiest person in the world one second, but the next, a person can change the odds of that in a split second. I don’t know how that works out, but that’s how things go sometimes. Why are we trying to find love, when love can just find us? Are you honestly looking for trouble? Looking for tears? Looking for someone to break your heart? I guess… Not everyone goes through what I went through. This is what I went for, I had the words to say “no”, but I didn’t. The truth is, love doesn’t last forever. “Baby, its you and me forever.” Bullshit. I wish forever did exist, but it simply doesn’t. Take in our ages right now, in a couple of years – we’ll be on our way to collage or university. We are going to be studying for our careers, not exactly puppy loving our boyfriends or girlfriends, like we used to. I wish I can mean the words I say, when I say, “I love you so much” – but face it, we won’t be saying that to each other in 10 years from now. Love is supposed to be strong – not giving up when minor things come. Love is something sacred – not use to play with. I love you. 3 simple words, three so easy to say, but so hard to mean. The whole point is, get real – you don’t know what love is, until you’ve been what I’ve been from beginning to end. And as of now, whether I sound like a hyprocrite or not… I do love him.
Thursday, September 10, 2009 / 9:12 PM
love lost
So really, please tell me whats really good right now? I still have this feeling in me that you still care. Do you? If you did, you would've said it someway nicer to me- instead of "i think we should be just friends". You disappoint me you know that? Feeding me with nothing but bullshit. "I'm not going to replace you for another girl" or "your always on my mind, or "forget other girls, all i need is you".. How can you say that when your not here with me anymore? Did you even love me, like you said you did? I don't think you even know the meaning, shall i look it up for you ? Love - a strong positive emotion. Nothing with what you showed me. I don't know how I can miss you so much, I cry at night knowing we'll never be the same. The track I made you? Probably didn't mean shit to you... But now, that song actually goes with what you did to me. I'll be okay, in time.. Thank you for helping me open my eyes, that love.. never did exist.
Monday, September 7, 2009 / 3:03 PM
i simply adore you ugly ♥
Saturday, September 5, 2009 / 7:57 AM
Since I am writing in a girl’s perspective, this is also vice versa for guys too.
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, heck no, you can't '' be friends ''. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think it will get better. You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't ever make him feel he is more important than you are.. even if he is more educated. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. You need time to heal between relationships. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to complete you.. a relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Make him miss you sometimes.. when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him. He takes it for granted. Don't fully commit yourself to be with a man who doesn't give you everything you need.
It makes me wonder how many times I forgive just because I don’t want to lose anyone, even if they don’t deserve my forgiveness. Never apologize to someone when you know you don’t mean it. I may forgive easily, but trying to gain my trust will be the hardest thing you will ever face. And now it’s so difficult for me to see the world without remembering what I had to go through because when I let these people into my life, I don’t want to let them go, and when they screw up it’s like, why would you do this to me? I gave them my trust, I gave them my feelings, I put our friendship on the line, and they still fucked me over. It’s like I wished they were a better person. But you know? With all the things I’ve been through this past year, I’ve learned to know who the realest are and to be there for them as much as they are there for me. I know people say that the biggest mistake you can make is drifting apart from someone that you once had the time of your life with. It’s true, but don’t get me wrong, this entire year has been an amazing experience because life itself showed me why do I need to hang onto someone who doesn’t mean the things that they say? But you know what? I’m really glad that with these experiences I learned not to trust others easily nor to forgive people that doesn’t deserve my forgiveness even if I want them to stay in my life. I was always taught that the storm and love are quite common to each other. You never know exactly when they hit, and if you don’t seize an opportunity, you never know when it will come again and you may be sorry afterwards. Even though they don’t turn out how I want them to be, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not going to regret, but I am going to smile, I am going to stay strong and I am going to persevere to learn. So to the both of you that I once truly loved and cared about so much, don’t worry about me anymore. I am stronger than you think I am. And I hope you know that I am thankful that you guys put me through all this because you know why? Because all those times that you guys tried to put me down and it really hurt me, underneath myself is what I found. You guys were the one that made me strong; you made me stand up on my own with every cruel intention, and you helped me find my independence. But you know? I hope you look at these things through my eyes and remember why I took the time to care, love and put my trust into you guys so much. Remember that those who don’t care about what you do or who you are simply won’t care later on. Those who cared from day one will simply leave you and if you’re lucky, you might reunite. Those who’ve told you not to do things you’ve done that was wrong will always care about you. Those who hate you will love you later even though if they don’t show it. When things get too good, nothing bad happening, you know right there it’s all a lie because it’s too good to be true so don’t get your hopes up too high. When people tell you that they don’t care with anger, they simply don’t want you to repeat the same steps. Those who’ve listened to your speeches will always remember what you’ve said. To be honest, no one should feel sorry for me, the people that you should feel sorry for my friends are the people that have done me wrong; not me.
So I'll say this now to the both of you,
I never needed you to be strong,
I never needed you to point out my wrongs,
I never needed you to put me through pain,
My love for you was strong enogh you should have known,
I never needed you for judgements,
I can take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me,
I get the final say because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I never needed you to be there every day,
I'm sorry for the way you let me slip away because i know you won't find someone who is gonna care as much as i do,
I will never feel as if I am beaten to my own game, broken, not defeated,
I know that being next to you guys is not where I belong,
So the truth is I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.